» » In Love But Worlds Apart: Insights, questions, and tips for the intercultural couple

Download In Love But Worlds Apart: Insights, questions, and tips for the intercultural couple epub

by Grete Shelling

In love but worlds apart is a self-help workbook for today's adult man and woman from two different cultural backgrounds who are considering, or who have already begun, a marriage partnership with each other. To make such a relationship successful, the authors maintain that a feeling of love is not enough. They show how various aspects of cultural differences can be problematic and sometimes fatal to the relationship, unless certain conditions are met. The conditions are, among some, that the partners become reasonably more and more mature (according to the specific definition of maturity offered in this book), willing and able to think and to talk about their cultural differences (such as in manners, values, worldview, holidays and other customs), learn to understand and respect those differences, find solutions to their conflicts and discover enough things they can celebrate and enjoy together. The book helps partners think through vital topics of differences they must face eventually, such as their differing family backgrounds, expectations, tastes, values, worldview, as well as their future country or place of residence. The pervading metaphor throughout the book is of two artists who commit to producing a life-time project of artwork together, using their differing skills, communication styles, colors, craft paint, tools, and canvas. Just as these artists bring their various backgrounds and supplies to the task, each partner in a committed marriage relationship contributes his or her preferences (values, worldview, customs, etc) and ways of communicating. Questions to think and talk about, which are cited throughout the book, are again listed in the back of the book for copying and giving to the partner to use. A list of possible priorities of choice, also in the back, can be used any of three ways: (1) to help the reader determine whether a long-term partnership with a particular person from another culture would really suit or not, or (2), to test to see how
Download In Love But Worlds Apart: Insights, questions, and tips for the intercultural couple epub
ISBN: 1434381161
ISBN13: 978-1434381163
Category: Self-Help
Subcategory: Relationships
Author: Grete Shelling
Language: English
Publisher: AuthorHouse (June 9, 2008)
Pages: 160 pages
ePUB size: 1696 kb
FB2 size: 1390 kb
Rating: 4.2
Votes: 931
Other Formats: lit lrf doc mobi

In love but worlds apart: insights, questions, and tips for the intercultural couple, written by Grete Shelling and Janet Fraser-Smith. Both are in intercultural marriages of sorts and have years of working with other couples in intercultural marriages. The book is written in a half-teaching/half-workbook style, with commentary, explanations, and examples followed by lists and lists of questions for intercultural couples to discuss. It pretty much skips over the typical 'cultural fascination' dimensions (the visible layer of the iceberg concept of culture) and gets straight to the heart of intercultural relationship by helping the reader examine if they can truly live out the rest of their life in an intimate relationship with someone from another culture.

The book starts by examining the question What kind of partner am I looking for? by exploring questions like these:

- How can you find "the one"?

- How would I know if he or she is the right one?

-What do we imagine about one another's cultures?

- Where do I belong?

- How do we show that we like or love each other?

- What do we really want from our partner?

- What if our situation changes?

- Will our parents support this relationship?

From there, it discusses how intercultural couples sort out where to live, how to forge a new cultural identity as a couple, how to determine working values to guide your relationship (regarding, money, family, gender roles, children, etc.), and finally, how to develop healthy interpersonal skills in light of cultural differences. Each of these chapters has a similar list of questions to those listed above.

As my husband and I have recently been reflecting on the joys and challenges being in an intercultural relationship for over 10 years now, we continue to see the value of awareness and honesty as a means of growth and acceptance. In love but worlds apart provides a framework by which to explore how to do this. While it's written in a tone toward an unmarried couple, I'd just as easily recommend it to those already married. My husband and I will certainly be chewing on some of the questions for quite a while.
As an urban pastor, I both teach cross-cultural ministry, and I end up marrying a few folks in cross-cultural marriages.
This book really helps couples to explore their blind sides, and gives them really handy tools for understanding each other.
I wonder, if to some degree, every marriage isn't cross-cultural? "What, your family opens their Christmas presents on Christmas Eve? What's wrong with you? Everybody waits until Christmas morning!" Multiply that times a thousand, and I think every couple finds that they have very different ways of celebrating, settling differences, authority, etc. When more distant cultures are involved, all of that complexity is amplified. Great book! (And maybe every couple should read it!)
This book takes a unique look at ways combining cultures in a family can bring difficulties and how to overcome them.

Instead of focusing on interRacial relationships, the book focuses on how even 2 people of the same race can have difficulties if they come from completely different backgrounds. It gives excellent ideas for conversations to have with a prospective mate, even business partner.
This is one of the best books I've read on cross-cultural marriage! It has a ton of tips and advises for couples who are married or will be married cross-culturally!

I highly recommend this book!
Love it!
I read this book as preparation for intercultural marriage. I'm German and my fiance is American. This book may be more helpful for couples where one is western and one is from a very different culture. Since we are both essentially western I didn't feel like I learned much from this book. Much of it seemed like common sense to me. This book seems to be directed at new couples or singles who are considering an international relationship. Once the relationship is somewhat advanced and you are considering marriage, chances are, you have already talked about most of the issues that are pointed out in the book.
As described and arrived in a timely manner!
from earth
At first I was thrown off by the artistic references to canvases, brushes and paints but eventually it grew on me.
The book is well organized into sections that list all the important aspects that need to be considered when engaging in a multicultural reltionship. at the end of every chapter there is a list of questions one would lke to ask himself and his partner.
In the appendix there is a complete list of topics that the couple needs to discuss to ensure a successful intercultural union.
overall i enjoyed the structure of the book and a multitude of excerpts from real couples sharing their expeiences in intercultural marige.
definetely recommend this to anyone who is considering to marry a person from a different culture or country.