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Download The Unadulterated Cat: A Campaign for Real Cats epub

by Gray Jolliffe,Terry Pratchett

Download The Unadulterated Cat: A Campaign for Real Cats epub
ISBN: 0575061049
ISBN13: 978-0575061040
Category: Humor
Subcategory: Humor
Author: Gray Jolliffe,Terry Pratchett
Language: English
Publisher: Victor Gollancz; Reprint edition (September 1, 1995)
Pages: 128 pages
ePUB size: 1732 kb
FB2 size: 1750 kb
Rating: 4.7
Votes: 318
Other Formats: mobi lit mbr lrf

Somewhere in the limitless possibilities of reality and consciousness there is a young man named Schrodinger in a box with a vial of radioactive material and a device which may - or may not - break the vial and immediately end the consciousness of the young man. He is both alive and dead, and is doubtless bleeding from the back of his heels, because somewhere in his future he had (purposeful shift in tense) proposed a thought experiment that begins with the extremely hazardous suggestion that an individual place a cat in a box.

And cats hold grudges, even if you haven't angered them yet.

In The Unadulterated Cat, Pratchett endeavors to define a Real cat (as opposed to those fluffy, squished-faced monstrosities that can apparently eat their food out of crystal dishes without tipping them over). Punctuated with telling cartoons by Gray Jolliffe, Pratchett provides a 150+ page description of those horrible beasts, and even provides some analysis as to why we (cats and their roommates) tolerate each other. I have long been under the impression that my own cats are just horribly uncatlike beasts, especially when forced to consider such adorable and friendly examples in literature and the Facebook photo albums of (childless) friends, but Pratchett has shown me otherwise. My cats are undeniably Real cats.

While I certainly enjoy Pratchett's writing style, I believe my partner enjoyed The Unadulterated Cat far more than I. But that's really to be expected, because my partner is the true cat lover in our household. After reading what my Real cats are truly capable of I think I'll stay loyal to my ridiculous cat-sized dog.
Sir Terry is a national treasure and I've never read anything of his that was not excellent. If you've read the Discworld books, you know that Pratchett appreciates cats as hardy individualists as well as purr generators, and TUC reflects that attitude. This is not only a pretty decent basic manual for the new cat-butler (never think you OWN a cat), it's full of whimsical illustrations.
I typically enjoy Terry Pratchett's sense of humor (having first been introduced to him through his popular Discworld series) and am a cat lover, so had thought that I would love this book. It was mediocre at best, unfortunately, so I was somewhat disappointed.

The condition of the book was as described, however, and arrived within the expected delivery window.
This review is by K. Lockwood, not J. Lockwood, my "long-suffering husband" in spite of the fact that thinks we're the same person. That said, I love Terry Pratchett's humor and I'm very fond of cats. In fact, I'm typing this with one hand, because Errol Flynn, my tuxedo cat, insists on sleeping on top of my left forearm, between my chest and my laptop. The desk is cold and it's winter, and his sister Eartha Kitt(en) is sensibly (for cat purposes, anyway) napping upstairs in the rafters above the kitchen, but Errol prefers body heat. Anyway, someone had mentioned "how to give a cat a pill" -- a long joke I found incredibly funny -- might be in this book. Since this book not available as an ebook, I bought it as a hardback. Although there is a brief section on cats and pills, it wasn't as funny or on target as the joke in question, which sounded like vintage Pratchett, BTW. Instead this book was mostly a made-up "campaign for real cats." It isn't particularly good or particularly bad, and the author doesn't seem to particularly like cats, either. The cartoons are a bit annoying instead of funny, because the artist insists on drawing the cats like humans in human poses and even giving them long noses identical to ones on his cartoon humans. I can't understand why this illustrator was even used. Sheesh! I'll give the book to our vet for his waiting room, because it beats reading some of the vaguely depressing flyers he keeps around with titles like "Feline HIV and Your Cat."
"The Unadulterated Cat" is the world's leading cause of the phenomenon known as "The Pratchett Moment".

The Pratchett Moment is described thus: The victim reading a book and a line strikes them as so unutterably funny that they just have to laugh. They try to hold it in but it quickly becomes apparent that such attempts are hopeless. It escapes, often out of the side of the mouth, but sometimes through clenched lips with a humourous 'parp' noise (known as 'Blowing a Pratchettberry') or, more embarrassingly, through the nose and, rarely, bringing milk with it whether milk has recently been ingested or not (PISLGS or Pratchett Induced Spontaneous Lactic Generation Syndrome). The laugh builds in power, ricocheting off of the ribs, shaking the belly, causing the shoulders to move, until a full-throated guffaw is liberated, along with a quantity of tears. It is at this precise instant that the unfortunate victim realises they are on a crowded train carriage and everyone is slowly edging away from them. And they do not care.

The Unadulterated Cat is so funny is should probably be banned by international treaty or, at least, stickered with a warning that says "read this book in public at your own risk."

For fans of Pratchett's work all that is needed is this: Take all of the Greebo moments, put them in a book, make them 80% funnier, add humourous illustrations, light touchpaper and retire to a safe distance.

For those who don't know Pratchett's work (where have you been? A desert island?) this is a hilarious look at the interaction between humans and their feline masters, the small, slinky, furry, murderous balls of purr that rule the world yet suffer our own arrogance with mostly good grace.

This is a celebration of the moggie, or Real cat. No bow-bedecked, spoiled objects of feline grace eating from fine crystal plates are these, instead they are scar-faced, torn-eared, swaggering balls of malevolence who remain, as ever, welcome in our laps, our beds, and our hearts.

Purring must be some form of mind control.

A must for any Pratchett fan or any lover of cats.