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Download Married But Not Engaged: Why Men Check Out and What You Can Do to Create the Intimacy You Desire epub

by Paul Coughlin,Sandy Coughlin

Reconnect With Your Emotionally Checked-Out Husband

Frustrated over your stalled marriage? Tired of enduring a less-than-satisfying relationship with your husband? Feeling anger or guilt about wanting more from your passive "nice guy"?

Paul and Sandy Coughlin understand the life you're leading, because once Paul was a Christian Nice Guy husband and Sandy was his frustrated wife. Their freeing message will help you understand the inner life of your emotionally detached husband as well as what you can do--and shouldn't do--to create a more satisfying relationship. They'll help you understand the forces that make men passive, how to handle issues of anger, respect, and resentment, and learn practical ways to nurture intimacy.

Married...But Not Engaged informs, instructs, encourages, and inspires as it shows how you and your husband can draw closer together.

Download Married But Not Engaged: Why Men Check Out and What You Can Do to Create the Intimacy You Desire epub
ISBN: 0764204483
ISBN13: 978-0764204487
Category: Bibles
Subcategory: Christian Living
Author: Paul Coughlin,Sandy Coughlin
Language: English
Publisher: Bethany House (October 1, 2007)
Pages: 208 pages
ePUB size: 1370 kb
FB2 size: 1344 kb
Rating: 4.6
Votes: 590
Other Formats: mobi lit lrf rtf

I would highly recommend this book to moms of boys (those in the throws of motherhood or those who have grown adult sons that maybe don't communicate with you as much as you would like), newly married women to 'Nice Guy' husbands, and to husbands who may feel their wife is always telling them what to do or that they don't do anything right at home.
I got a lot out of this book that is applicable not only towards understanding my husband but life lessons for raising our two boys. I enjoyed the Christian tone and references but it wasn't to heavy for the non-believer. I strongly wish it were titled differently to make it more appealing to couples to read together. Many of the problems discussed tell women why a Nice Guy husband does what he does but if the husband doesn't read them and accept the need for change the pattern won't stop. It is a great read for men to understand their own feelings, reactions, and expectations as well as their spouses.
Reading this book supplied background information that I found very helpful. Seemed to have a good grasp of problems of marital communication.
Paul Coughlin, author of the catchy NO MORE CHRISTIAN NICE GUY, is back with his latest project, MARRIED BUT NOT ENGAGED. He has teamed up with his wife, Sandy, for the book, and together they tackle false guilt that women sometimes feel about connecting with their emotionally uninvolved husbands.

Written for both men and women, the book focuses on some of the underlying issues of marriage from the perspectives of both partners. It explores the three factors that contribute to a man's passivity as well as common roadblocks along the way to intimacy. In addition, it looks at the internal conflict that comes with trying to be a Christian Nice Guy, which the authors dub a "CNG."

They write, "He's fighting so many internal battles that when it comes to life with you, he seems to be going through the motions of marriage, consistently shut down or difficult to reach. As you'll see, he doesn't realize that his heart is required to create intimacy with you, with others and with God. He thinks following all the rules will sustain his relationships. He doesn't yet know that intimacy comes not from checking off a to-do list."

In response to such marital challenges, the Coughlins offer practical advice in various relationship areas. As far as communication goes, they encourage readers to express themselves honestly and vulnerably, but take time to listen with empathy. In addition, partners are encouraged to model optimism and look for grace. At the same time, partners can model assertiveness in their words and actions. This kind of assertiveness means sharing feelings and thoughts while still being respectful of your partner. The Couglins also prescribe real intimacy.

They write, "We often misconceive of intimacy by thinking of it as a single, isolated act, like a memorable conversation in a romantic restaurant or a pleasurable sexual experience in an attractive hotel room. But those are just stages on which intimacy might unfold. Intimacy isn't an event --- it's what happens during these events --- two people actively pursuing the other person's deepest being. It is speaking the language of the other person's soul. For example, many married couples have honeymoons, but not all honeymoons are intimate and soulful."

Overall, the book is filled with solid advice and insights. Along the way, there are a variety of letters from Christian Nice Guys and stories from those who have struggled with these issues. At times, the writing runs flat and sounds more like a rant or a radio show (which shouldn't be a surprise since Paul hosts a radio show on The Dove in Southern Oregon) than a well-written work, but the stories are enough to keep the reader moving forward.

MARRIED BUT NOT ENGAGED is a solid resource and should be recommended to anyone wanting to get a fresh perspective on relationships as well as strengthen their marriage. The timeless advice is useful to all kinds of couples.

--- Reviewed by Margaret Feinberg
This book focuses on the problems that can be caused in Christian marriages by men who are passive in their behaviour - who fail to conform to society's view of masculinity (which itself has been devalued over the last decades). The book looks at why some men are like this and ways in which both husband and wife can work with each other to improve matters. The book was easy to read; however I felt that much of the subject matter was probably far more prevalent in America and that some of the stated problems would be less of an issue within the British personality so it may not be as universal as the authors imagined.

This book isn't a ten step guide to overcoming the problems of men feeling weak and in fact I wasn't always sure that it offered much useful advice - it was good at identifying the problems but didn't offer that many concrete ways to resolve them. However it did offer some points for thought about communication between men and women and referenced many other books that might be helpful in addition.